Rejected and alone, I witnessed the cold eyes of naivety choosing only what they wished to see,
They held on to their illusion of “normality” hiding under covers for as long as they could stand.
Denuded they induced savagery among all.
Their victims scrambled like disorientated ants in a primitive, paranoid frenzy, salvaged their precious grubs, and carried all they could to the safety of their mortgaged nests, insured against all damages.
All they tried so desperately to avoid for years fell like boiling rain into their red, swollen eyes.
Malignant Diseases blew discreetly upon warm, friendly summer winds as Invisible sodomy dissolved innocent smiles.
The smell of contaminated faeces infused perfectly with the sickly regurgitated mass of rotting bodies found in the putrid corners of shattered homes.
This unimaginable stench saturated the atmosphere in waves,
Fermenting in the lungs; burning its way to the buckling mind; inducing a poignant insanity.
Starving scavengers fled from the festering corpses that burst in the humid days.
For miles lay a tapestry of decaying flesh, its anguished expressions still recognisable, limbs still reaching.
Maggots were unable to function; their food lay simmering for years in a morbid pool of purulent filth, poisoning the land, air and sea into an irreversible, self induced, final spectacle of man.
And as I laid down my haggard head upon the blistering tongues of this deceitful race, and blew out my last begrudging breath, it all suddenly became clear.
Crisp as a droplet of rain on a shimmering dawn, magnifying the freshly flowing veins upon a newly born sapling.
This life I had spent dying; was but a simple series of destructive perceptions; fuelled by a fickle fantasy;
The grey, blemished corneas of my dark reality peeled; a warm emollient light dissolved the smothering tar which enslaved my every passage of thought for so many years.
I savoured the rich comforting smile of a purified bliss, enveloping my soul with gentle feathers, each silky barb infusing my every pore with its own orgasmic consciousness…
Within the aura of this ever-escalating euphoria, I felt a sinister gravity sucking all understanding from my mind.
Confusion ripped through me like a rotting cadaver in the foaming mouth of a rabid dog.
I reached in desperation, screamed in madness, begged in agony…
I resented the sweetest taste I somehow knew would turn to rape me into a pulpous pile of slop meat and semen, over and over again, until my shattered heart, spirit, mind, body & manhood lay shivering in a cold, bitter humiliation.
and somehow….even in this grossly transgressive state, I’m still searching… helplessly,
For what...... FOR WHAT!?
I spend this illusion called time, slurping from the gutters of an irrevocable abyss; a futile attempt to be quenched by the slightest fragment of hope, hoped to have drifted down far enough to be buried beneath this cold dead soil that I now scavenge so incessantly.
I have soaked myself in the epitome of vulgarity,
I have been consumed by my own pity,
I wretch at the sight of my harrowing face;
I see it before my eyes like a bitter, gnawing child, the least of its suffering being the ravenous string worms that borrow through its despairing eyes.
A poor, lost, broken shell; the fantasy of a former self that never came to be.
My insides have turned to a sickening soup of self-reproach.
I have awakened from a gangrenous existence, into a formidable pit of self molestation….
I exist in-between plains, blindly crawling;
My elephantitis ridden limbs, dragging behind me like ancient dead oaks.
The shredded nerves in my broken fingers fester as I scratch these salty plains, searching desperately and franticly, hoping to taste but one bitter larvae spawned of the plagued generations that infect this dismal existence. My scavenging failures ensured this implacable famishment bestowed upon me, as I witness the hatching of a billion winged abominations, each injecting into me a uniquely wretched syrup of damnation; the realities of poisoned dimensions. my pores explode not with a comforting sweat against their excruciating tornados of annihilation, but a devouring, vomital bile, regenerating my flesh whilst its continual digestion feed these eternal vessels of hate; born of my inevitable failures. I have failed, I HAVE FAILED!!!!
Still I drag these morbidly obese knees through this desolate realm, my tendons caught on the septic hooks of demise.
I still see the child hovering, like a sick, sick joke, mocking my eternal loss. WHY have I done this???
I lay ravaged and sodomised by the tender memories that held my hand through the dark caves of regret.
My relentless degradation has reduced me to nothing more than a cesspool of violently defecating vermin; an unholy paradise, large enough to feed generations to come, each evolving to a higher state of perverse malignancy. Weeping has become a forgotten luxury as I witness, powerlessly, the demise of all realms, fed indulgently from the flesh of a writhing failure, the child forever screaming a grudging howl of debauchery against my every aching atom, piercing the very last fragments of soul that hide within my own internal abyss...