(because I love to talk about my personal life)

The first part of this story starts boring,
Probably a bit before the month of August
I got a call from this adorable whore,
Not pausing to inform me that she had fallen for me,
Like she had done so, so many times before.

And like a fool I felt this time was true,
I forgot the rule I had set up for you,
That I had refused to get upset, and tried to forget you,
And I swore that never again would I ever get with you.

But this time was different, in a lot of sense,
You had promises and all, like common goals,
Which seemed like common sense,
Past tense like time was bent.

In your defense, I was so dense to believe,
That shit you said again,
Not the mess you left me last time,
When our kisses turned to fists.

But we had grown as people in our time apart,
Mended hearts too fast to love, it might be evil but
It got me excited, so why would I fight it?
I liked it! A tasty fishhook, you knew I would bite it.

Cock teaser.
Talking about how you were organizing your VISA
To come overseas to London so we could be together?
Aw sweetness, what a crowd pleaser.

And like a disease, I believed her; she kept saying she loved me.
Click our Wall-to-Wall and read, tell me what you see,
It’s the people’s call after all to agree if she deceived me,
And to what degree.

But Isabelle, you forget that every message you ever left me,
And every chat we ever had is saved neatly in the back of my memory,
Oh, and conveniently archived in my Gtalk account permanently.
I dare you to tell me I am lying, I will let all of that shit out, Silly.
How about the cybersex with spelling errors?
Or how the pair of us would conquer all fears,
And how love would take care of us?

It’s ridiculous, talk about getting carried away,
Explain why you told my Dad we were getting married, hey?
And the way you changed your surname to Woods that day
On your Gtalk profile, as if it was ok
That everyone knew – but anyway...

I’ll admit that I digged it, I bought a ticket to see this chick,
Flew across the world to check if it would click,
It makes me sick to think, but within 6 hours of landing I was kissing you,
Within 7 I was in your room, practically on top of you.

Until you went on about never blowing a guy without a condom on,
You started to hear things, talking about aliens, and then the mood was gone,
And of course at some point we had that small argument,
Then spent the night in each others arms and slept.
So how upset could you be when you kissed me the next goodbye?
And then sent me that text saying (and I quote) “you’re the best”, right?

But listen to this: the next night we met, still kissed,
I smoked zol, had a jol, I got pissed,
With a shitload of mates I loved and I missed,
But what I really missed was Isabelle and Ivan kiss,
And leave together and fuck each other,
Most likely in that same bed I was in 24 hours earlier,
I find that siff.

And what will really have you in stitches, I found this all out from my sister,
And I had to live with her while she put up with my shit,
But Lynne I insist and I trust that you know,
My intentions were never this; I never predicted I would sink so low,
You were caught in the middle of trouble; you shouldn’t have had to be,
But you know how excited I was to see her,
And you know how excited she was to see me.
You are no stranger to heartbreak Lynnie,
And for that sake, I hope we can laugh at this eventually.

I’m also really sorry Stan, I love your family, I hope you don’t read this,
I would never diss you on purpose man, but understand I need to say this.

And to Ivan, I want to know all that you’ve got,
When she sucks your dick, do you wear a condom or not?
Did she tell you that she just doesn’t find you that hot?
Cos she told me that about you bro, she told me that a lot.

But despite this, I wish both of you success and the best sex,
I must express in all seriousness – I never wanted this stress,
You make me laugh man, I find you to be a hilarious dude,
And I guess Isabelle sees this part of you too.

Jesus, at least if you guys work it out, all of my falling to pieces
Would be worth something and it would be off my chest,
It would be far worse to see you come and go like all the rest,
Because then it would all be worthless.

It’s like a disease, I’ve been sick for 6 years, Ivan,
But remember – I broke her hymen and it bled on my shirt,
And this is why it hurts,
You don’t know where she and I have been,
I shot the first load of semen she had ever seen (ask her)

And I guarantee you she loves you less than she loves me,
Why do you think she always thinks she always hates me, and then comes back to me?
It’s an unmatched passion to the fashion of Sid and Nancy,
Can’t count the number of times I wanted to off her,
Call the cops and confess “It was me”.

And I am sorry about the email you sent me which I fwded to her Gmail,
But dude, if you want to call my ex-female childlike,
And immature, you might like to think it through, right?
What would have you done? What did you think I was going to do?
Would you like to load my gun while I aim it at you?
But it backfired, and I’m tired,
It’s over now that everyone knows what I’ve been through.

I swear to God now, I’ve retired, I hate this place,
I can’t believe I made the same fucking mistake,
And I will shake the hands of all my facebook mates,
And make a deal: if I and she reconciliate,
You have full permission to punch me in the face,
Every single one of you, you can fuck me right up,
I don’t give a fuck, kick my teeth in while I’m tied up

No more fucking around, I will never date another bitch,
I hate this shit, I hate relationships,
Thanks God for Candy and MJ,
Or I wouldn’t believe decent chicks exist.

Oh, and Isabelle, you did well, congrats!
Got me halfway around the world this time, *clap clap*
Please think of me when I get on TV and you just get fat,
But every song will always be about you, I want you to know that.

I will always love you, forever, still.
And I hope you enjoy dying alone.
Because you will.
<3