Dear Lily

I know this probably seems really weird, but just hear me out.

I am not going to claim that I am your biggest fan, because I am definitely not. Since I have started this mission, I think I may have come into contact with some of your biggest fans, and they are fucking scary. I am also not going to pretend I have any idea what you are like in real life, because I know I don't. And finally, I am not here to tell you that I love you, or that I want you, or that I will die without you, because I won't.

What is happening here is a very normal thing... sort of, I think. You see, you are well famous now, as I'm sure you are aware. I see your face in the magazines and on the TV. I hear your songs everywhere I go (admittedly generally by choice). And in time, you have become my favourite celebrity in the world. The reason for this is because I find your lyrics to be very clever and fresh - it feels to me that you are discussing very real and important things but always with a twist of humour. And the music itself is perfectly suited to what you are doing, I love it. It's unique, and I admire that. You are a rare talent and you stand above the majority of the mainstream music scene - fact.

So after my friends told me it was impossible, I figured this was worth a shot. And you have to admit, it's an interesting question, right? Can an everyday person like me reach a popular figure like you just by using the internet? Only you have this answer.

I am not asking for a date or your hand in marriage or anything quite so stalkerish. All I want is a photo of me and you together, as this will not only make my friends jealous but also make a killer facebook profile picture. If you think about it Lily, this will only take a few minutes of your time as I can meet you anywhere in London, and it would totally make me a very happy person.

A lot of my friends are already laughing at me, so please, if you find it in your heart and busy schedule, save my reputation and get hold of me. Alternatively, of course, you could just tell me to fuck off, and that would conclude that this experiment didn't work.

Sincerly,
Jared

P.S: My twitter account is here, I think that would be the best way to contact me as this will avoid nasty pranks from my oh-so-funny friends.
I have also created a profile on your official message board, so you could also contact me there.